Emptiness

Strange how we can't help but relive our past.

I find that I always do. Some things I am constantly reliving in conscious or subconscious thought. Some things just too important to let go. Not important because they turned out well, or because they defined us, but important because they were there at all.

Have you ever thought that some things can either slip into existence simply because the opportunity was there, or out of existence for the same reason?

So much of life seems to be that way. Some things I find I will never really outlive or cease to regret, some things I will always pay an empty penance for. Empty, because however much I might pay for what happened I can never make up for it or regain it. And yet, I must do so all the same, because it really can't be another way.

Why is it that when we write to those we cared for and lost we always say goodbye, that we're sorry, but can never move on or heal? Can we ever heal from some things? Do we ever heal? Or do we simply go so numb and distract ourselves from it as it continues to fester and eat away at our soul?

How is it that an intimate touch can cause a person physical pain? Why should craving it and taking it so deeply inside hurt so much just for the want of it? Why should the lack of it seem almost safer?

Relationships are so very complicated, and I fear I'll never be able to mange them. This, is why I have so very few. I can't nurture them properly, however much I yearn for them.